Trumpism in the Church, a Satirical Observation

 Peter Milloy has a marvelous sense of humor.  He put this in the newsletter of the church he serves.  He is a retired member of the Minnesota Annual Conference serving in the New England Annual Conference.  

Trumpism in the Church,  a Satirical Observation 

In order to boost growth, United Methodist officials have been promoting the ideal of  “strong pastoral leadership.” (This is code for “Do it my way.”)  They’ve recognized that many people respond well to forceful, confident pastors who project an attitude of certainty about their beliefs and have a definite vision for what they want their congregations to be and do.

     I think they’re right.  Driving back from voting in New Hampshire a few months ago, I resolved to be that kind of a leader.  Because I know that’s what all 500 of you want.  We’ll make South Hadley Methodist great again.

     Churches that have strong pastoral leaders grow better than others.  Ever since I started signing executive orders instead of consulting the church council and the trustees about everything, we’ve just been packin’ them in like sardines.  I’m sure you’ve noticed.  Anybody that says otherwise is lying.  

     We can’t just let anybody in, however.  We need extreme vetting of people who want to join our church.  In addition, I will build a big wall to prevent so many people from getting onto our property.  The Catholics will pay for it.  I know that all 800 of you support me in this.

     I also know that my plan to re-write the Bible will be a success.  A huge success.  We need a Bible that tells it like it is, am I right?  I’m gonna drain the swamp.  All those apostles and prophets left over from the Bible of the previous administration, well, they gotta go.  So the new Bible might sound different from what you’re used to.  But I have alternative facts.  If you disagree, you’re fired.  

     Remember that Jesus said, “Blessed are those who look like you, talk like you, and think like you.”  Or somebody told me he said that.  If he didn’t, he should have.  He was a fine savior, though, wasn’t he, folks?  I’m gonna find a place for him on my leadership team here.  We need somebody like him—all 2,000 of us.

    And in conclusion: I want all 5,000 of you to pray for those affected by the Bowling Green Massacre.   And pray that what happened in Sweden won’t happen here.  What happened in Sweden?  I can’t tell you.  It’s classified.  It was terrible, folks, but what happens in Sweden stays in Sweden.

by

Rev. Peter Milloy