On Civility

Over a decade ago, our denomination set up a study group made up of liberal and conservative people to discuss homosexuality. While they did not settle the dispute, they passed along their learnings about discussing issues over which there was serious disagreement. This is what they wrote:

Civility's "Ten Commandments"

1. Respect the personhood of others while engaging their ideas.

2. Carefully represent the views of those with whom you are in disagreement.

3. Be careful in defining terms, avoiding needless use of inflammatory words.

4. Be careful in use of generalizations; where appropriate offer specific evidence.

5. Seek to understand the experience out of which others have arrived at their views. Hear the stories of others as we share our own.

6. Exercise care that expressions of personal offense at the differing opinions of others not be used as a means of inhibiting dialogue.

7. Be a patient listener before formulating responses.

8. Be open to change in your position and patient with the process of change in the thinking and behavior of others.

9. Make use of facilitators and mediators where communication can be served by it.

10. Always remember that people are defined, ultimately, by their relationship with God - not by flaws we discover or think we discover in their views and actions.


From UNITED METHODIST REPORTER, March 6, 1998